A tiny "What if ?"


Sometimes the tiniest “what if?” can move the biggest mountains. Sometimes we get so stuck in one way of seeing and believing that nothing else seems possible. And those changes we want…that new way of feeling, thinking, doing, and living…are sitting on the other side of that abyss and feel completely unreachable. It feels too big, too deep, too wide, and too far away. There’s just no way to the other side…to new, to different, to better. I know this place Sister. Like so many, I’ve stood on its shores believing the lie, “This is how it is.”, “It can never be different.”, “Better is unreachable.”


I was sitting in my bath the other day reading the new Rachael Hollis book, Girl Stop Apologizing. I was a few pages in when Rachael started talking about how change always begins with some form of the question, “what if?”. Then I read the line that said, “That what if? That’s your potential knocking on the door of your heart and begging it to find the courage to override all the fear in your head.” Holy crap sister…that line stopped me in my tracks. I read it again, “…knocking on your heart and begging it to find the courage to override all the fear in your head.” Damn…my heart overriding the fear in my head. That was it!! Somehow Rachael had wrapped words around my own experience. Around a singular moment in time that was the birth of a healing out of hell and a path that’s been leading me back home to myself in ways I never thought were possible. Sounds dramatic, I know, but that truly is how significant my own “what if?” moment, years earlier, had been. So now, reading her words telling the truth of that moment in a way I hadn’t thought of before, was deeply emotional and a reminder to me of how important inviting in that one tiny “what if” question can be.


“That what if? That’s your potential knocking on the door of your heart and begging it to find the courage to override all the fear in your head.” Rachael Hollis

If you come to one of our Soul Chicks’ Soul Restoration camps, you’ll hear me share my story, and you will know that it was the tiniest “what if?” that opened my way. You’ll hear me tell the story of my own experience. Of how I’d been in a deep dark place of shame, blame and despair, believing lies that I was not worthy of a life of joy. And how all the while, doing what women do, hiding it all behind a fake smile, a robotic, “I’m fine”, and a “to do” list the size of Texas. But on the inside, I’d felt I had failed in such unforgivable ways that I believed forgiveness and Joy were meant for others, but not for me. I truly believed this to my core, and it never occurred to me there could be a different possibility. That was until I found myself sitting around a big red carpet with 24 other women in a snowy cabin in McCall Idaho at a Brave Girls Club Soul Restoration camp, just like the ones I now facilitate.


It was after 4 days of doing deep soul work, beginning to peel back the lies I’d been telling myself, and learning that I couldn’t heal from what wasn't true. After sitting in a safe loving circle of sisterhood and listening to other brave women share their stories that a crack appeared, and I found myself thinking…What if?. Just what if? What if, what I’m believing isn’t true? What if, forgiveness and joy are meant for me? What if, finding my way out of misery and back to joy wouldn’t be a betrayal to my son? What if, he has his own journey to take out of his pain that is apart from mine? And what if, it’s possible?


"After sitting in a safe loving circle of sisterhood and listening to other brave women share their stories that a crack appeared, and I found myself thinking…what if?"

This “what if?” was so tiny, a barely audible whisper to my heart, one I didn’t really believe, but somehow I found the courage to let hang there, no matter how unbelievable it seemed. It turned out, that teeny tiny crack was just enough to let light, truth, and possibility start to find its way in. It was enough to illuminate the ground directly under my feet so I could take one tiny step, just the next right brave thing, and finally start to find my way from stuck to truth, then eventually to joy. Along the way I found a truer, more whole version of myself. A self I never thought I would find.


I share this story with you now sister, to inform you, inspire you, implore you, encourage you, and remind you if you’ve forgotten…that no matter where you find yourself, no matter how deep the hole you’re in, or wide the gap between you and your hope. No matter how far away joy seems, or how unreachable change feels… all it takes is one teeny tiny “what if?” You don’t have to believe it, or know where it will end, you just have to allow it to hang there. To allow possibility to “knock on the door of your heart and beg it to find the courage to override the fear in your head.” That’s all it takes to let the light in, to illuminate your next right step, then your next, until one day you find yourself in a place you never imagined could be true for you. A place where your truest best self lives. But it all starts with one tiny “what if?”.


Beautiful brave sister….be willing to just ask. I know you have that “what if?” inside you. If I could find mine, I know you can too. So right now, I want you to put your hand on your heart (come on, I’m with you). Now I want you to get still and listen to it’s whisper. What if….What if I’m strong enough?, What if I’m worthy enough?, What if I’m capable?...What if I’m allowed to change?, What if a beautiful joyful life is meant for me?….What if? Can you hear it? That’s your heart calling you to what’s possible for you. Calling you to more.


You are so very loved.

XO

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