Is healing supposed to be this hard. Are we supposed to suffer in order to grow? Is it really a no pain, no gain, game?
It's a both/and.
It's a Yes, and a Oh HELL NO!!
Yes… healing can be hard because it requires us to step out of our familiar patterns and explore new ways of seeing, believing and doing. It asks us to sit with our pain long enough to hear what information it has to offer us. And it challenges us to let go of those things we have relied on for survival but that are not serving us in the present. That’s not comfortable - the discomfort isn’t easy – some seasons of the journey are filled with grief, doubts, and struggle….so yes, it can be damn hard.
AND…it’s also a OH HELL NO!!!
Healing does NOT have to mean suffering alone in silence while you trudge your way through every painful moment of your past...NO!! That’s not growth- that’s being a martyr.
Oh Sis...this one gets me so fired up...this lie of, “no pain, no gain” - of soul work having to be lonely, scary, and filled with suffering- like pushing a boulder up a hill, alone, and in the dark. That's just BS!! And it does real damage, because it keeps so many women from turning toward themselves and doing their deep work for fear it will be too hard, too scary, too isolating, too lonely. Honestly, it motivates me to spread the mission of Soul Chicks even more – because here is what I know for sure.
Healing, growth, and soul work can be connecting, inspiring, and even dare I say- fun!! That’s right -when done in a safe loving community of Sisters, healing, growth and soul work is fun. I absolutely know this to be truth because it is my story!!
There was a time that I was trying to heal under this lie- believing that I could heal alone, undercover, as I slugged through it all in the quite of secrecy. Believing that I could be, “normal me” in the day light, excepting for the one hour a week when I would reveal pieces and parts of my truth to my therapist - only to tuck them away when I reentered the “real world.” I would hide my personal growth books behind best sellers; deny my addiction to Super Soul Sunday, and never talk about my deeper truths or share my ah ha’s. I was afraid, and believing the lie that you clean your crap up quietly.
In 2012 at a Brave Girls Club Camp in Idaho, I discovered how showing up, owning my story, and being brave out loud in a safe loving circle of sisterhood could transform my heart. I experienced how the healing journey could be connecting, uplifting, powerful, and even fun when it's shared among like hearted women. How when we let down our masks, let our self be seen, and share our truth- we discover we’re all struggling with the same fears, doubts, and lies that make up our common humanity. And it's in that place of shared humanity that deep meaningful connection can be found. I also learned, that when we can see ourselves in our sister story, suddenly we don’t feel so alone in our story.
Sisterhood- it turns out- was the missing piece to my growth & healing journey. Because we do not become hurt, lost, or stuck alone. Our hurts, struggles, and wounds happen in relationship….and so does our growth and healing. Sister - we are not meant to do life alone…none of it, not even the hard work of healing.
But here’s the thing – often times when we set out on a journey of growth and healing, the people closest to us don’t always get it. It may even scare them because we're changing and they don’t know what that means for them. That’s why it’s so important to find a safe loving sisterhood of like hearted women. Women who are doing their work. Women who aren’t in judgement of your growth because they are growing too. Women who aren’t afraid to sit with you in your truth, because they have learned how sit with their own. Women who will celebrate you for who you are, not for what you do. And women who will cheer you on for making a brave choice even as you are lying face down in the arena, because they too have come to value bravery over comfort.
Yes, it's true….growth, healing, soul work...it's hard. There have been so many days I've doubted myself, wanted to run back to old patterns because change feels scary- that I've feared the judgement of others, or just plain grieved for what I’ve had to release. But I have a sisterhood around me now. Some of it has come to me, some came alongside me, and some I have sought out. But all of it I continue to cultivated, because I now know the deep joy and connection that comes with doing your work and letting yourself be seen within a safe loving circle of sisterhood. And I wouldn’t trade what I have with these women for any of the hard work of healing. It’s brought a richness and depth to my life that I didn’t know was possible. It's why Shannon and I founded Soul Chicks - so that other women can experience what soul work, together with sisterhood, can do for them.
So Sister – If you’re holding back afraid to step into your growth or healing work because you believe it means hiding out and cleaning your crap up alone in the dark. Or maybe you’re doing like I did, you’re keeping your healing work relegated to the dark corners of your therapist office ….Hear me now beautiful- that’s all BullSh*t!! You are not meant to grow and heal alone. You are not meant to trudge through this path in suffering and isolation. And if you are, you are slowing yourself down and cheating yourself out of what it means to grow and heal in the magic of sisterhood. You are meant to laugh, to cry, to sing, to dance, and to love your way along this journey to a bigger, braver, truer, whole you. And there is a entire sisterhood of us out here waiting for you to join us.
Big Love –
Sandi & Shannon