Hey beautiful seeking Sister – NO ONE CAN GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE YOU...IT MUST BE CLAIMED
A few years ago, I found myself longing for authenticity- I mean really craving it. Maybe it was the healing journey I’d been on, or maybe it was just time – but suddenly the masks all got too heavy. I was so done with losing myself under the weight of all the expectations, the roles...the should’s & shouldn’ts, and of hiding behind the masks of what’s “expected” and what’s “acceptable”
So I began to shed the masks and to reach for authenticity. It felt good and right and freeing… but soon I found myself frozen, waiting for approval or applause. I realized that as much as I wanted to disrupt the old way of living- to blow up the masks, stop hiding parts of myself, and to stand in the fullness of my whole authentic self- I was also super afraid of what the disruption would create. Which, when you think about it, is crazy…right?! I wanted to be authentic - to be fully me - but I wanted others approval of me. Isn’t that why I had been wearing masks in the first place.!?!? For that approving “good girl” pat on the head...for the feeling of approval and applause??? Wasn’t the whole idea of authenticity to leave that behind?!!!
I had to realize that my truth, my authenticity could not be given to me - it had to be CLAIMED. But there I was, waiting for permission to be my true self, (Oh the irony!!). It felt safer that way. No risking disapproval- no risking the discomfort of disappointing others, no inviting in critical opinions of this new me. So there I was, waiting for the very thing I wanted to be free from…the need for external approval and applause.
I began to understand that If I wanted to stop trading my authenticity for approval, I would have to face the inconvenient truth that I couldn’t wait for it to feel safe. And that meant stepping out and risking everything that being a disrupter entails’. I had to face the truth that the authenticity I wanted was on the other side of the fear of what it would mean to claim it. So If I wanted it, I would have to claim it for myself- without approval or applause from anyone other than myself.
I’ll be honest, it was scary as hell, and there was a cost to it…Not everyone celebrated when I no longer look for their approval…but I did. Not everyone understood why I was changing…but I did. Not everyone loved all the “new” parts of me I was reclaiming…but I did. And that turned out to be enough. Because the satisfaction and freedom of accepting my whole authentic self is what I’d been craving all along. External approval is fleeting and hallow. But self-acceptance is deep and abiding.
Sis, I’ve learned that if you’re craving authenticity, you can’t wait for it to feel safe. You have to claim it for yourself. You don’t need to wait for permission. You get to claim it simply because it’s what you want- what you needed - what you know to be true and right for you...it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else but YOU. So come on gorgeous…the world already has shit tons of masks walking around…but it doesn’t have the one true unique you unless you step out from behind the mask and let us see that beautiful, amazing, one-of-a-kind, AUTHENTIC YOU.
Come on gorgeous…let her shine. Yes it’s scary – but It also feels so darn good!
Sandi & Shannon