"Don't say yes to doing something tomorrow that you wouldn't want to do today."
I used to do this all-the-damn-time....I would sell out my future self by saying an automatic yes to doing something way in advance- without ever stopping to check in with myself. In the moment, a yes felt so much easier than a no. But then when the time would come for the thing to happen, my truth would come calling. The truth that it wasn't something I really wanted - it never was, but I hadn't listened to my truth.
When I said, "Yes, sure, I'd love to...I'll do it." I didn't check in with myself first. I'd just go straight for the default easy button. Then I'd regret it - beat myself up - and try to find a way to squirm out of it. All-in-all, not great self care, and not exactly standing within my integrity....Ugh!!
It was easy to play it off as just something I do...annoying but no big deal. But when I really looked at it - I had to admit it was abusive. If my husband committed me to future things without ever checking with me, if he cared more about what was easy than about what was right for me - I'd have some major issue with it. I'd be calling it out and setting boundaries real fast. So why was it okay to do it to myself?
I had to learn that it was a matter of self love. Truly...it's about loving my future self enough to make the honest brave choice for her. It's about honoring her enough in the present to listen to her true wants and needs - then following them. It's about loving my future self more than I love the damn easy button.
Once I saw it for what it was, self abusive and lacking self love - I couldn't un-see it. That meant finding a healthy tool to replace my unhealthy easy button. The solution...a pause button.
Now when I find myself reaching for the easy (yes) button without checking in with myself - I remind myself to reach for the pause button instead. To pause - check-in - and ask myself, "All things being equal, if this opportunity were happening today, would I still say yes?" " Will this bless my future self or burden her?" Then I listen for my truth, and follow it using the words from my mouth..." Thanks - I want give it some thought before answering.", "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I need to pass.", "I've thought about it, and Yes, I'd love to." A kind clear no, or an honest yes....now that's some love my future self can get behind.
Friend - if you're doing this too...I'm calling you out with love and offering you this tool. You're future self deserves your love.
Big love and pause buttons -