Oh I used to wear the badge of last place well.
I was so good at putting all of my needs in very last place. Shannon here, and sis, I hate to admit this but I was GREAT at being a martyr. I put ALL others before me. Before my needs, before what my body needed, what my soul needed. I was on the ready to abandon myself at any time for anyone.
I had such a need to be needed (otherwise known as codependency), that I easily abandoned myself for any other kind of connection- which mostly at a detriment to me, my values, my health, my mental well being, even my financial well being. I believed that by abandoning myself and doing ALL the things for others, that it would be a "connecting point" for me. What it really did was turn me into was a door mat.
I got so used to putting myself last, that I actually believed the lie that I was suppose to come last- that my needs didn't matter- that I was suppose to serve others and be there for others, provide for their needs above mine because "it was my job." And that it was actually a pretty darn noble thing to leave my needs behind- That's CRAP! Yep! It's this HUGE lie that we as women get wrapped up into believing, and it's time to learn the truth Sis!
I really had no idea - I was so accustomed to providing for everyone else that I absolutely lost myself, and couldn't even get to a place where I could know what my own needs were. I had abandon myself much so much, I couldn't even tell you what I needed.
The truth that I've learned is that I have needs to- YOU have needs too- and my (and your needs) matter JUST as much as everyone else's. Thing that I had to learn is that I am the one that gets to provide for myself. It is my responsibility to listen to my body, listen to my soul, and discover what I need- and do something about it. This doesn't mean abandoning your family, marriage, children, etc for an egocentric, selfish deep dive into narcissism. What it does mean though is that when we as women, take care of ourselves, we are that much better at being supportive to others.
To discover what you need, start with how you are physically feeling-
Are you tired? Are you hungry? Start with the basics Sis. What I can tell you, is that when we begin listening to our bodies rather than our "inner critic" , we learn how to provide for ourselves , and learn how to "stay with ourselves." Self care is NOT selfish. Your needs matter. And besides, there isn't another You around to take care of you! You ARE deserving of having your needs met.
So Sis, take what you need. Take love, or courage, or bravery, or rest. Take what ever it is
and feed your own personal need for what your soul needs.
Start with the basics, just like me.
Start here, and get our Free downloadable "Take What You Need" - (click here).
Tape it up on your mirror- and begin with the basics, and learn what your body & soul are calling for. It's our job to stay with ourselves and to listen.
Shannon & Sandi